Lizzie's diary, 30th November 2007

Diary entry: 30th November 2007

"Well, that was unexpected, to say the least. I don’t know which to write about first. I got Distinction in my Grade 2 piano exam!! Not quite sure how. My gob is smacked (and I know Barry and Hannah’s are too). Completely unexpected and certainly unmerited but I’ve got the (sus)tificate to prove it. Hannah must be dead chuffed – I’m so glad I did ok for her sake – all her hard work paid off. And Nikky really helped as well – that Sunday afternoon when she listened to my scales was a big turning point. And Barry helped too – his incredulity at my inability to play the pieces off by heart made me buck my ideas up. But I actually don’t think I deserved a distinction and I know deep down that I charmed the examiner and he was a nice, kind guy. But it doesn’t change the result.

So on to surprise number 2. I felt pretty crap yesterday morning – tummy ache etc etc. So I’d kind of read this letter from the RSA and not really taken much notice. Then Barry rang and I started whinging (as I am wont to do) about this and that, and happened to mention the letter. Then the penny dropped and I realised that for some reason I have been invited to become a fellow of the RSA. I have absolutely no idea why, but there you go. Hannah thinks it is something to do with my PhD, but seeming as the letter was addressed to ‘Ms. E. A. Grimaldi’, I’m not convinced. Curious."

Lizzie's diary, 29th November 2007

Diary entry: 29th November 2007

"I should have mentioned the cake yesterday. I had mentioned that I’d love Hazel to make me a carrot cake (not entirely seriously – probably while I was munching a Frü one) so of course Barry goes and asks her to do so. Typical outcome though – too much!! Huge cake – what am I supposed to do? Portion control is a major ‘issue’ at the moment. Anyway, it turned out alright in the end, Hazel cut it up, took a piece, gave B and Stas some and I came away with the rest. Actually managed to eat most of a slice and really quite enjoyed (? maybe not the right word yet, perhaps ‘coped with’ might be more apt) it. I actually believe that she quite liked making it. And even if she didn’t, I’m going to persuade myself that she did. Not everyone resents doing things for other people. Some of us prefer doing things for others instead of for themselves. Maybe that is why I think this could work – I can’t disappoint people when they are being so kind to me. Still not sure why. Ok, I’m rambling now."

Lizzie's diary, 28th November 2007

Diary entry: 28th November 2007

.

"In some ways I wish I’d never agreed to this. Too much, Hannah. I don’t think I’m going to be able to overcome it. And so many people have responded – I can’t back out. I need to change or this is going to be it for the rest of my life. I get so confused, I can’t think straight. I’m sick of feeling cold, empty, irritable, short-tempered, impatient and constantly on edge. I can’t sleep without pills, I can’t relax, I’ve lost the ability to get totally lost in something. My concentration is crap. I can’t even write this diary well. I want attention, then when I get it I want to be left alone. I look like shit. I’m embarrassed of myself. Surely these things should be some incentive to do something? What am I waiting for? I don’t even know anymore? I’ve lost touch with what I want, I don’t really enjoy anything. But what is the guarantee that things will be different with an extra stone on me?"

Lizzie's diary, 27th November 2007

Following the weigh-in on Tuesday Lizzie was quite disappointed not to have put anything on and said that she felt like she'd "fallen at the first hurdle". However, I think many people would agree that there will be no easy fixes to this 'issue' (a word that we have agreed not to use unless we raise our eyebrows and roll our eyes whilst saying it). To expect even a small weight gain in the first few days was ludicrous - Lizzie is still learning what she needs to do to maintain weight, let alone to gain it.

.

The weight gain will come in time and until then we'll all just have to be patient. I know you're all itching to part with your hard-earned cash on the JustGiving website but hold your horses, I'll keep you posted!

.

Hannah

.

.

Diary entry: 27th November 2007

.

"Not sure how I feel about the lack of weight gain. First of all a bit despondent, but now I’ve spoken to Hannah and Nikky I feel a bit better. It would have been nice to feel it was going to be plain sailing but when did I ever try anything easy? At least I can go to Cotswold House next week and tell them honestly that I’m doing something about it – after losing weight steadily for months I’ve finally stopped the rot and managed to maintain it for 3 weeks. Now I’ve got to make sure it starts going up. Feel a bit like a chipmunk though."

Lizzie's diary, 26th November 2007

Diary entry: 26th November 2007

"Ok, it’s my first evening on my own after embarking on this project and I’m worried. Worried that I’m not going to be able to keep the momentum up. I’ve got to stick with it. And finish everything. It’s going to be too easy to slip back into bad habits – throwing things away, kidding myself. Just get on with it. No chickening out."

Lizzie's diary, 25th November 2007

Wonderful news everybody - today Lizzie got the results of her Grade 2 piano exam (she is my pupil) and she passed with flying colours... a convincing distinction of 134 out of 150. Good ol' gal.

She's allowed me to post her diary entries for this week. It makes for some very interesting reading I hope you'll agree. Remember that you can post your comments underneath each post by clicking on the link that states how many comments have been left. These will will printed out and copied into the scrapbook.

Diary entry: 25th November 2007

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."

Arnold Bennett

"God this is scary. I don’t quite know how I feel about doing this. Exposed. Something I’m not good at being, but if I don’t do it now, when am I ever going to just f**king do it (in the words of the master). I’m amazed by the responses to my e-mail – I just don’t want to disappoint anyone now. This has got to be worth a try – anything has got to be better than admitting to failure again and going into that unit. I just can’t do it – but what’s the alternative? Stay like this for the rest of my life? I’m not going to like it but I’ve got to do it – like writing this diary – it’ll get easier won’t it? Surely by trivialising the whole thing it’ll make it more do-able. After all it’s pretty straightforward, and just because no-one’s done it before doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Nothing is impossible until you’ve really tried. And I don’t think I have really tried. Yet."

Sponsorship update

Thanks to everyone's fantastic donations there is now some serious incentive for Lizzie to gain weight:

Amount to be raised per lb of weight gained: £847

Total amount to be raised if target of 1.5 stone is gained: £17,794

Keep it coming everyone.

Thanks so much, Hannah

The donation system

Hello everyone, it's Hannah. I apologise to those that are still confused about how we'll be organising the donations. Here's what to do:

1: Decide the total amount that you would like to donate should Lizzie reach her 21 lb target in one year
2: Divide your total by 21 to give you your Pounds for Pounds figure and please forward this figure to me so that I can keep track of how much Lizzie will be raising.
3: WAIT... until further updates have confirmed that Lizzie has gained weight!!
4: Donate your Pounds for Pounds figure as each pound in weight is gained - we will keep you updated via this blog
...............(a) Send a cheque to Lizzie made out to her - she will then donate all the money she receives to the charity (she will still put the money forward in the most tax efficient way possible).
...........or (b) Donate on the www.justgiving.com/lizziegrimaldi webpage

If it is more convenient you could always wait until the end of each month or each three months and work out the total that you owe. We want to make this as simple as possible so please don't panic about it.

Has this made it clearer? If not then please don't hesitate to get in touch (hannah@hannahshergold.com or 07729 219590).

Many thanks again for all your support.

Hannah

Pounds for pounds - Lizzie Grimaldi's sponsored weight gain

For those of you who know me well this challenge may come as a surprise as I am not usually one to draw attention to myself. Most of you will know, or will have guessed, that I have been suffering from anorexia for nearly twenty years and in the last two years the condition has spiralled out of control. I now weigh 37 kilograms (or 5 stone 11 pounds in old money) and last Monday it was confirmed that a hospital bed has been reserved for me. Triggered by the fear of entering a hospital (again) for what is likely to be several months this news has spurred me to a last resort - a sponsored weight gain.

Sponsored Weight Gain

The method to this madness lies in the fact that I have not been successful in achieving significant or lasting weight gain for myself. I need another incentive and so I will be raising money for charity. I believe that this way I will have the motivation needed, (and also a little guilt), to complete small tasks, These things combined will, I hope, encourage me to complete the challenge on a day to day basis.

The Hospice of St. Francis

The charity that I have chosen to support is the Hospice of St. Francis in Berkhamsted, Buckinghamshire. This is a charity that is very dear to me as the staff there provided such wonderful support to my father. It is difficult for me to go into detail about my experiences there for obvious reasons but I feel that by raising money for this charity I can repay them in some way. More information about the fantastic work that the hospice does can be found at www.stfrancis.org.uk.

lbs -for- £s

I would be so grateful if you would sponsor me to complete this weight gain challenge. Not only will all proceeds go towards supporting such a fantastic and worthy charity, but the motivation for me to help them may just be the trigger I need to get myself back to a healthy weight. All sponsorship will be on a £-for-lb basis for one year. Whatever you feel you can give for each pound in weight that I put on would be greatly appreciated.

To give you an idea of the maximum I would expect to gain in one year, I would anticipate that 1.5 stone (21 lbs or 9.5 kgs) will be as much as I would realistically put on. That would take me to 7 stone 4 pounds, a weight which I have not been for many years apart from during a short rehab period in hospital. Each pound that I reach must be maintained for a period of one week before I can say that I have achieved it.

Please do not send me or promise me a lump sum of money. The responsibility is mine to earn this money for the hospice. Whatever you feel you might be able to give must be broken down to ensure that each pound in weight is rewarded. I am hoping to be able to collect any sponsorship money every three months, mainly so that I have a donation to give to the charities in the near future provided all goes well between now and February. I think this regular reminder of who I’m working for will be very beneficial.

I have also set up a fundraising page which can be found at www.justgiving.com/lizziegrimaldi but if you would prefer to donate online please remember to only donate an amount that is in direct proportion to the amount of weight that I have gained. Again, I need to maintain the incentive.

The ‘Diary’

In order to document my progress throughout the challenge I shall be keeping a diary which will be a combination of calm thoughts, angry outbursts, general comments for the day or week, and quotes etc. It will also contain information about my weekly challenges (more information will follow in due course). These challenges may seem easy to some people, but for me they will be individual battles that I must overcome within a limited time frame.

The book may even contain other records of my progress, such as receipts for certain meals that I have eaten or food that I’ve bought, hopefully achieving a scrapbook-type effect. The main purpose of it is so that in 3 months, 6 months, a year, or 10 years, I can look back on this experience and remind myself of where (and who) I don’t want to be. As you can imagine, half of the battle is to maintain a healthy weight once I have reached it, so any further incentives will hopefully help in this respect.

Monthly Updates

In order to keep all of my sponsors updated I shall be writing monthly updates. These will contain a short report with perhaps a few snippets from ‘the diary’ (minus the bad language). And, of course, they will have the results of the latest weigh-in and therefore how much money has been raised. The challenge begins on Monday 26th November from a starting weight of 5 stone 11 pounds and so I would really appreciated it if you would get back to me as soon as possible.

There will be times when things are not going well, and so I have enlisted the help of a friend to act as reporter. She is removing some of the procrastination process for me as I have found that the more I think about strategies or methods, the more I am likely to think of excuses not to go ahead with this challenge. Hannah Shergold is my neighbour and will be able to answer a few of the questions that I may find difficult to address. She can be contacted at the following e-mail address and telephone number, so I hope you will not mind copying her into any replies regarding sponsorship so that she can keep the records of the support given and money raised. Some e-mail snippets may even end up in the diary.

hannah@hannahshergold.com
07729 219590

Please feel free to contact Hannah at any time and please accept my apologies if I am not always forthcoming with how I am progressing. You will understand that the year to come will be much more of a mental battle than a physical one.

The Blog

This blog will hopefully allow people to check on my progress without having to ask those awkward questions or find the right time. Hopefully it will be me making the entries but if not then Hannah will keep you informed.

I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read this far and I hope that you will be able to support me along this journey whilst simultaneously supporting this wonderful charity.

Yours truly,

Lizzie Grimaldi