This week I have handed over even more control. As I hadn't gained sufficient weight, they were encouraging me to reconsider inpatient care, but the thought of shared bathrooms and not sleeping in my own bed was just too awful. So as a compromise, I have decided to go in every day (as opposed to 4 days a week) and to stay for all meals (rather than leave after afternoon snack).
The days are quite well organised - more CBT than basket-weaving thank the lord. I get there for breakfast (8.15) which started off as a cup of cereal (mealplan "B") with 150ml milk and has progressed to a mug of cereal with 200ml milk plus 2 pieces of toast. Then we have a group - something like self-esteem, nutrition or body-image followed by mid-morning snack (which might be a couple of chocolate digestives, a chocolate bar, cereal bar, banana, piece of cake and a drink - they are quite restrictive on fluid intake and I spend half my time absolutely gasping). Then before lunch there is time for us to meet with our individual therapists or with the dietician. Lunch is at 12.30 and is pretty standard institutionalised stuff but not too bad. I have really struggled with the quantities and did a runner the first day I was presented with a full portion so am now back to half-portions and make up the deficit at other times. Each meal is followed by a rest-period during which we have to sit around and try not to expend any energy - no mean feat when most of us are used to being on the go all the time. Another group - either art, gardening, creative writing or yoga - takes us up to the next feeding time (15.30 snack - along the same lines as the morning one). Dinner is at 18.00 and is generally lighter than lunch. Then it is home sweet home, night-time snack and straight into the land of nod. So there you go, my week in a nutshell.
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7 comments:
Hey Lizzie, good to see you are going in the right direction by handing over more control. I noticed the way you detail the portions down to so many mg of milk! I really hope they can help you get past that, and that one day you will just slap out the milk without thinking about it! As that is the way you still see it, I really do think you need to keep them in control, so really glad to hear that you will be getting more help. I know it probably seems impossible now to not imagine analysing portions like "thought how will I ever stop this", but now I never think about such things! I think part of it is the kind of meticulous people we are, so don't beat yourself up about it, you just have to channel those traits into positive areas. It always lifts me up to hear that things are going in the right direction for you, Lizzie. Best wishes, Mary xx
All good steps in the right direction. My daughter did not recover until all decisions around food were taken away from her. She is fully restored now, in mind and body. The AN hated every step, but gradually loosened its grip on her mind as she was re nourished. Honestly, Lizzie, I feel more hopeful for you now than I ever have since you are getting this type of help. Just don't let the AN sabotage the progress when you are at home. Is someone there to support you once you are home to be sure that the AN doesn't try any tricks? I only say this because I know first hand how things can be and how hard it is to recover and how dastardly AN can be. I know you want to get well, but I also know this disease will fight recovery at every chance. Sending courage to you - CM
You truly are an inspirational woman-reading your story has kick-started my own recovery-something that 5 years and countless doctors have previously failed to do. I don't understand why your plight has affected me more than others I have read about, but I am not allowing myself to question it, just ploughing on! Your detirmination, strength of character and ability to admit when you cannot cope has made me realise that there is no such thing as a perfect recovery/person/life.
Only what we can do for ourselves.
Hey Lizzie, noticed no posts in a while. I hope that everything is going ok and I'm sure I speak for many when I say that we are all thinking of you. Remember that difficult or angry posts are just as therepeutic and important as ones bearing solely good news. We are here for you. Keep up the good work, you've come too far to lose it now xxx
Hi - how are you? No posts for quite a while, please let us know how you are.
I'm a bit worried, can someone please let us know how Lizzie is doing???
Samantha
Lizzie, how are you? Its about time you update the blog, don't you think? No blog= concern and I think the poeple who have sponsored you deserve to know whats going on. Take care x
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