Lizzie's diary 27th July 2008

I know, I know. It's been ages - I'm crap. But at least there is a good reason for it. I started on the day-patient programme at Cotswold House 3 weeks ago (God is it really that long?) and to be quite honest, at the end of a day there thinking about me me me, the last thing I want to do when I get home is update my blog.

But I have to say, it is not half as bad as I had feared. Yes, it is hard and much of it is not pleasant at all, but the staff and other inmates make it a whole lot easier. The difference between this place and the Priory is incredible. I really feel they know what they are doing and feel that I can trust them even when everything inside me is fighting doing it.

I go for 4 days a week from 8am to 4pm and the aim is to gain a pound a week. So far I have put on 0.4kg but it is weigh-day tomorrow so watch this space...

Lizzie's diary 17th June 2008

I seem to have come to a grinding halt. That is 2 weeks without a gain and I am in breach of my contract. I don't know what to do. I was making such progress and feeling so much better and now I am in fear of slipping again. Why couldn't I keep the impetus up on my own?

But at least my BMI is now 14 which is a level at which the hospital would accept me on to the day-patient programme so perhaps that is the way forward.

Lizzie's diary 4th June 2008

Another small advance this week - a further 0.3 kilos - to 40.3 kilos. Not quite the pound of flesh I had promised my husband, but that means I am now a fraction short of 6stone 5lbs.

Slowly but surely......

Lizzie's diary, 27th May 2008

Diary entry: 27th May

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40 kg. Again. Well I suppose it is a nice round figure so its not surprising I've plumped for it.

Sometimes I pray to Cod for the veal-power to stop playing with my words but I fear it is too bread into me. For all I know, the wurst may be yet to come.

I am disappointed though - even the practice nurse had written in my notes that I was "chuffed to bits" last time I put on a pound. I guess it will go in fits and starts, but it is a bit demoralising, especially as I've just announced how well I am doing.

So it is a case of back to the drawing board or rather the mealplan, to identify the areas that had started to slip. And if all else fails I'll just down another Clinutren.

26th May - Note from Lizzie

Present weight 6 stone 4lbs, starting weight 5 stone 11lbs.
Weight gain so far - 7lbs!

Note from Barry

"Those of you who are sponsoring Lizzie by the pound need to get your cheque books out and go to www.justgiving.com/lizziegrimaldi because this weight has been maintained since the 6th of May."

Lizzie's diary, 25th May 2008

Diary entry: 25th May

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It's about time I wrote something but it has been so long, and so much has happened that I don't really know where to start. It feels really weird writing anything at all.
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First and foremost though, I need to say a huge thankyou to Hannah. But like all good things, her involvement in this had to come to an end and she has moved on to bigger and better things. So goodbye and good luck. Cheese sandwiches will never taste the same again. I would never have had the courage or strength to embark on this without her and we went through a lot together. But end it has so I shall have to build on what I have achieved which, thinking about it, is a hell of a lot.
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Shortly after the last diary entry we went on holiday - well I say on holiday, what I really mean is we were transported to another world. And for that time I got back a taste for living. It made me remember what I was missing. And when we got back and I got on the scales, I was genuinely thrilled to find that I had managed to gain enough to secure a stay of execution. Even better than that, the following week I had gained a further pound. I thought I was coming out of the woods and probably got a bit complacent because I haven't gained any more since then. Bugger.
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Having stuck so rigidly to the terms of the contract, I can feel myself slipping again and I'm scared. But having had that taste of how much better I felt (and I can't believe it was only due to the sun, sea, sand, personal chef..... well, maybe it was) I am not going to let myself go again.

Note from Hannah

Hello again all,

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Feels like ages since I last wrote this blog. So much has been going on in the last month or two - some good, some hideously ugly!

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To cut a long story short (and I know Lizzie won't mind me for being honest) things weren't really working out as they were. Sadly I have too much work on to provide Lizzie with the regular and guaranteed support that she needs. As she said in her blog, the 'duties' I'd taken on for this challenge had increased one by one over the last few months in order to try and get things off the ground and it wasn't feasible to continue with the same amount of responsibility considering that I am unqualified. What's more, I couldn't justify continuing when there wasn't a significant enough weight gain each week.

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So... things became a little tetchy for a while, and in the end we both agreed that perhaps the whole challenge needed a shake up, or just plain change. Only Lizzie could decide how that shake up was going to come about since I was taking a step back, and it appears that this new contract idea may do the trick. For one thing, it leaves no room to blame other people or situations that may arise. The daily meal plan is laid out and if it isn't stuck to then it's hospital, like it or lump it.

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Some people will have seen this coming from a mile off but hey, whether or not Lizzie did or not, I certainly thought it might work... and to a certain extent it has. At the end of the day she's gone from eating probably less than 500 calories per day to eating nearly 2000, purely as a result of constant nagging, guilt tripping and kicks up the proverbial, not to mention will-power and determination on both parts. Maybe, just maybe, she's got the tools now to work at it herself (with moral support from me, Barry, her friends, her sponsors and her carers) and make those final steps towards actually putting weight on?! Watch this space!