Hello again all,
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Feels like ages since I last wrote this blog. So much has been going on in the last month or two - some good, some hideously ugly!
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To cut a long story short (and I know Lizzie won't mind me for being honest) things weren't really working out as they were. Sadly I have too much work on to provide Lizzie with the regular and guaranteed support that she needs. As she said in her blog, the 'duties' I'd taken on for this challenge had increased one by one over the last few months in order to try and get things off the ground and it wasn't feasible to continue with the same amount of responsibility considering that I am unqualified. What's more, I couldn't justify continuing when there wasn't a significant enough weight gain each week.
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So... things became a little tetchy for a while, and in the end we both agreed that perhaps the whole challenge needed a shake up, or just plain change. Only Lizzie could decide how that shake up was going to come about since I was taking a step back, and it appears that this new contract idea may do the trick. For one thing, it leaves no room to blame other people or situations that may arise. The daily meal plan is laid out and if it isn't stuck to then it's hospital, like it or lump it.
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Some people will have seen this coming from a mile off but hey, whether or not Lizzie did or not, I certainly thought it might work... and to a certain extent it has. At the end of the day she's gone from eating probably less than 500 calories per day to eating nearly 2000, purely as a result of constant nagging, guilt tripping and kicks up the proverbial, not to mention will-power and determination on both parts. Maybe, just maybe, she's got the tools now to work at it herself (with moral support from me, Barry, her friends, her sponsors and her carers) and make those final steps towards actually putting weight on?! Watch this space!
4 comments:
Hannah/Lizzie,
You should be very proud of what has been achieved and what has been learned. You have undertaken something unprecedented in the teeth of scepticism and yet have done it completely openly.
Progress has been made and the experience has developed into a new system that sounds very positive. The contract idea is a great one.
It seems to me that NO-ONE knows how to tackle this disease and yet there are scores of people ready to snipe at those brave enough to really try at something new.
Lizzie, you CAN proved them all wrong. There are LOADS of us out here willing you on, agonising with you and praying for your recovery and success. We don't mind how it is done, just that you get better.
Hannah, thank you for all the help and support you have given, you are a star.
Love
Huge
I hope Lizzie has learned a lot through this experience. I really admire her. I have no doubt as to her sincerity, but I also know how tough it is to battle anorexia. Trying at something new is what I did when I helped my daughter recover at home. The difference between what we did at home and what Lizzie is trying at home is that my daughter was not in charge of her meals, and Lizzie seems to have some choice over what she eats. She is a grown woman, however, she is ill. Lizzie trying to take control of the illness is like a lawyer defending herself. Its a bad idea. If the meal plan is laid out, that is great. The amount of weight gained will tell us if she is able to stick to it. I know my daughter could not have stuck to anything unless I was literally sitting there with her through every bite. There is a lot of confusing information out there on eating disorders. That is the reason so many sufferers have become chronic and recovery statistics are so bleak. But, I do think there is hope, as long as the sufferer becomes weight restored first and foremost, and then tries to deal with any psychological or emotional issues if necessary. The latest science and research backs this up. Sometimes even the hospital isnt the answer. Most inpatient facilities let the patient out when they are "stable." Usually, that is not sufficient - which is why so many relapse. There is a big difference between stable and restored. Until the disordered thinking fades, don't consider yourself restored. And, Lizzie, it will fade. But you must get weight restored first. A hospital stay may give you the kick-start you need. Lizzie, I hope you do prove everyone wrong - but honestly, the only thing that will heal you is food. All the well wishing in the world wont help you - food will. And I just don't know if anorexia will allow you to eat on your own. It wouldn't let my daughter eat, which is why she was loosing her hair on her head while her back was covered in lanugo, She suffered from mal-nutrition, could not rationally think about food, and could not recover on her own. Not to mention low heart rate, the inability to regulate her body temperature, and the risk of permanent damage to her body. If she could decide to get better, and then just do it, she never would have gotten to the point of ill health that she got to in the first place. You may be able to do it without hospital, but only if you have the support system in place at home that you need. For me, it meant supervising every bite, at every meal and snack. It meant blind weigh-ins and lots of resistance from the anorexia. (Resistance is putting it mildly.) I wish you all the best, Lizzie. And Hanna, for trying to help, great job! At least you tried, and recognized Lizzie needed more than you could give her. She may need more that she can give herself, and that is OK.
Well done, Hannah. It has been incredibly generous of you to do this, and I know from how I am when I am ill that dealing with people who are ill can be very trying indeed.
Lizzie, well done, that is a better gain than you have managed in quite a while and you do seem to be consistently gaining now, so even if you do end up in hospital you have definitely helped yourself a lot in how to tackle this. I do think cm may be right about hospital though, when you are that ill, and you are probably more ill than you realise, disordered thinking etc, you only really recognise this once you are better, so it is incredibly difficult for you to achieve what you are trying to do.
Hi -
Since Lizzie hasn't posted in a while, I am hoping it means she has gone inpatient. And if she has gone inpatient, I hope she is finding it helpful and healing.
Lizzie -
You are in my thoughts and prayers every day. I hope all is well with you - and getting better every day.
CM
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