Weigh-in results

Hoorah...
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A GAIN of 0.2 kg

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Unfortunately it's not the lb per week that we require but considering that there are plenty of scenarios that haven't been exactly like the normal routine it's pretty good. I'm off 'gallivanting' so Lizzie's got to cope with one or two lunches by herself this week and so far (I hope) has only had minor slippage with one sandwich as apposed to 1.5 sarnies on one of the days. But she still made the sandwich home alone, all progress!
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What's more, I believe this is the first time (ever?) that Lizzie's gained weight two weeks in a row whilst out of hospital so huge pat on back.
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Apologies for lack of regular postings this week... I'm trying to type on a German keyboard where the 'y's are swapped with the 'z's, the apostrophe is in a totally illogical place and the whole thing is dotted with landmines of ö, ü, ä, ß, amongst other things. Next bumper load on Tuesday, barring any catastrophes (broken limbs etc.)
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And finally, I'm afraid there isn't an e-mail going out to the mailing list this week as my computer with all the addresses on has been left at home. But don't panic, you are all still included on it!
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Thanks again everyone for your continued support, sponsorship and comments! Remember, many of you still owe money for the last gain so get cracking with payments at www.justgiving.com/lizziegrimaldi
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Love Hannah

Lizzie's diary, 26th February 2008

Diary entry: 26th February
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Great. What a relief - a gain this week. Maybe not enough (0.2kg) but a gain nonetheless. You see, I knew I was back on track. It's so ratifying to see my efforts translated into pounds.
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"It's a very odd thing
As odd as can be
That whatever Lizzie G eats
Turns into Lizzie G"
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Good timing as I'm off to Cotswold House this afternoon.

Lizzie's diary, 25th February 2008

Diary entry: 25th February
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I feel terribly alone. Barry has gone back to London after enduring lunch with me, and with no Hannah or Nikky here for comfort, I'm a bit lost. I know what I have to do but somehow trying to fill the time until you have to eat again is not easy without having someone to help take your mind off it. The Clinutren is getting harder and harder to swallow. I know it's the dreaded weigh-in tomorrow, and I am also going to see Nicky Boughton so I guess it is hardly surprising that I'm a bit wound up.
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Lunch is a bit angst-ridden. When I know I am under scrutiny, behaviours try to creep in. Come back Hannah - all is forgiven!
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I tried to keep calm (I've bought shares in Rescue Remedy). I'm, trying to get back to eating normally, part of which is being able to have lunch together. Life appears on hold rather than moving forward (albeit at a snail's pace) and getting over this. Unfortunately this rather painful and unpalatable process has to be endured.

Lizzie's diary, 24th February 2008

Diary entry: 24th February 2008
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Just when I thought it was safe.
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Why do emotions have to be so flipping emotional? Apropos of absolutely nothing, I needed to scream and yell and generally behave like a raving lunatic. Poor Barry was unfortunate enough to be caught in the firing line. But luckily he had the sense to make himself scarce until it had blown over.
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Q: Why are men like mascara?
A: They run at the slightest display of emotion.
Boom boom.
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So what was I going to write? I was never a Bluebird. Our loss.
Back to life. Reality calls.
Oh yes, I'm my own worst enemy. That was it.
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Bit too random all of that. A stream of semi-consciousness. But you try writing when you are tired and emotional. It's that word again.

Lizzie's diary, 22nd February 2008

Diary entry: 22nd February
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It's very difficult to write down everything that is happening when it seems to be happening so quickly.
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It is very scary not having Hannah here. She is such a grounding element in all this. So, I don't know, real. Normal. Without her I feel slightly adrift. Like I have to make all the decisions.

Lizzie's diary, 21st February 2008

Diary entry: 21st February
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So. Our last lunch before Hannah goes off gallivanting in Austria for ten days. How do I feel? (Sorry, just need to slam this window of opportunity shut before the anorexic gremlin doing cartwheels of glee outside it has a chance to wheedle its way in.)
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I'll miss her (I'm sure the feeling is not mutual) She is an enormous support to me and I couldn't have come this far without her. She has a very old head on her young shoulders and really knows her own mind. (Funny, both those things were written in my school reports when I was 12.) You don't argue with Hannah. Well not unless you value your head. I'll just have to imagine her reaction (the ubiquitous eyeroll - must think up an emoticon for that) whenever I feel myself teetering on the brink of behaviourism.
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I don't feel ready to be left on my own and I need to institute a pro tempore support system to prevent myself succumbing to the temptation to restrict which is still frightening pervasive. Had a little wibble as it was coming up to lunchtime. No-one around to invigilate. What to do? What to do?
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Decided to risk interrupting Hannah's holiday and texted for help. Luckily she was on hand so could talk me through making the sandwich. Now all I have to do is eat it.
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I'm pretty proud of myself actually. Sitting on my own and eating a proper sandwich. I concede it was one rather than one and a half, but still I gave myself a bloody good pat on the back. Well done! (I'm allowed to say that).

Lizzie's diary, 20th February 2008

Diary entry: 20th February
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I am totally overwhelmed and humbled by the kindness of strangers (and of those who are not so strange). In particular one comment brought tears to my eyes. For someone who doesn't know me to say they are listening with compassion rather than chagrin, that they are not rolling their eyes any more than if their daughter was sick from chemo, is such a comfort when I am feeling misunderstood. So thankyou, whoever you may be. Another really helpful suggestion was to put a warm pad on my stomach to help digestion - it actually works (even better if the warm pad is a wheat-filled sheep - thankyou Nanny!)
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I hope my digestive system is getting a bit more used to working again - it doesn't seem to be complaining quite so much (touch wood) although whether that is due to the constant supply of peppermint tea and rescue remedy who knows? I don't care, as long as it keeps improving.
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According to Brillat-Savarin, "Digestion, of all the bodily functions, is the one which exercises the greatest influence on the mental state of the individual"
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Gerry posited that it is unlikely that I am absorbing as much as I should be and he could be right. All too often (and sorry to be so scatological) things are still as they went in (if-you-understand-me-sort-of-business).
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Changing the subject rapidly.
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I've just looked back through some of the comments and realized that they are a huge part of this. To have such support from friends and anonymouses (anonymice?) is invaluable. I am learning so much, not just about myself and how I deal with stuff, but how other people are. That it is ok to just be. That one of the most important things in life is to make other people feel good - but genuinely. Without an agenda. Just because you want to. Altruism. It is not all about how hard you work, how much you earn and how much you have. The extraneous material accoutrements of life are baubles (albeit very pretty baubles) and hollow baubles at that.
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"A fully gorged belly never produced a sprightly mind", so don't expect too much of me. Just back from lunch chez Shergolds and I am well and truly stuffed. Why is it that just when I think I am coping with quantities, I find myself completely floored? I kept thinking I was hallucinating and that I'd been given a magical plate that kept replenishing itself. Luckily I've got a massage booked this afternoon, so hopefully that'll take my mind off my stomach for a while.
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Well I've been pummeled to within an inch of my life. I feel like I've been put through a mangle. It was great though, I must remember to do it more often.
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Still stuffed from that humungous lunch. And it's almost dinner time. So on with the Sisyphean task in hand.