Diary entry: 20th February
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I am totally overwhelmed and humbled by the kindness of strangers (and of those who are not so strange). In particular one comment brought tears to my eyes. For someone who doesn't know me to say they are listening with compassion rather than chagrin, that they are not rolling their eyes any more than if their daughter was sick from chemo, is such a comfort when I am feeling misunderstood. So thankyou, whoever you may be. Another really helpful suggestion was to put a warm pad on my stomach to help digestion - it actually works (even better if the warm pad is a wheat-filled sheep - thankyou Nanny!)
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I hope my digestive system is getting a bit more used to working again - it doesn't seem to be complaining quite so much (touch wood) although whether that is due to the constant supply of peppermint tea and rescue remedy who knows? I don't care, as long as it keeps improving.
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According to Brillat-Savarin, "Digestion, of all the bodily functions, is the one which exercises the greatest influence on the mental state of the individual"
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Gerry posited that it is unlikely that I am absorbing as much as I should be and he could be right. All too often (and sorry to be so scatological) things are still as they went in (if-you-understand-me-sort-of-business).
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Changing the subject rapidly.
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I've just looked back through some of the comments and realized that they are a huge part of this. To have such support from friends and anonymouses (anonymice?) is invaluable. I am learning so much, not just about myself and how I deal with stuff, but how other people are. That it is ok to just be. That one of the most important things in life is to make other people feel good - but genuinely. Without an agenda. Just because you want to. Altruism. It is not all about how hard you work, how much you earn and how much you have. The extraneous material accoutrements of life are baubles (albeit very pretty baubles) and hollow baubles at that.
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"A fully gorged belly never produced a sprightly mind", so don't expect too much of me. Just back from lunch chez Shergolds and I am well and truly stuffed. Why is it that just when I think I am coping with quantities, I find myself completely floored? I kept thinking I was hallucinating and that I'd been given a magical plate that kept replenishing itself. Luckily I've got a massage booked this afternoon, so hopefully that'll take my mind off my stomach for a while.
.
Well I've been pummeled to within an inch of my life. I feel like I've been put through a mangle. It was great though, I must remember to do it more often.
.
Still stuffed from that humungous lunch. And it's almost dinner time. So on with the Sisyphean task in hand.
.
I am totally overwhelmed and humbled by the kindness of strangers (and of those who are not so strange). In particular one comment brought tears to my eyes. For someone who doesn't know me to say they are listening with compassion rather than chagrin, that they are not rolling their eyes any more than if their daughter was sick from chemo, is such a comfort when I am feeling misunderstood. So thankyou, whoever you may be. Another really helpful suggestion was to put a warm pad on my stomach to help digestion - it actually works (even better if the warm pad is a wheat-filled sheep - thankyou Nanny!)
.
I hope my digestive system is getting a bit more used to working again - it doesn't seem to be complaining quite so much (touch wood) although whether that is due to the constant supply of peppermint tea and rescue remedy who knows? I don't care, as long as it keeps improving.
.
According to Brillat-Savarin, "Digestion, of all the bodily functions, is the one which exercises the greatest influence on the mental state of the individual"
.
Gerry posited that it is unlikely that I am absorbing as much as I should be and he could be right. All too often (and sorry to be so scatological) things are still as they went in (if-you-understand-me-sort-of-business).
.
Changing the subject rapidly.
.
I've just looked back through some of the comments and realized that they are a huge part of this. To have such support from friends and anonymouses (anonymice?) is invaluable. I am learning so much, not just about myself and how I deal with stuff, but how other people are. That it is ok to just be. That one of the most important things in life is to make other people feel good - but genuinely. Without an agenda. Just because you want to. Altruism. It is not all about how hard you work, how much you earn and how much you have. The extraneous material accoutrements of life are baubles (albeit very pretty baubles) and hollow baubles at that.
.
"A fully gorged belly never produced a sprightly mind", so don't expect too much of me. Just back from lunch chez Shergolds and I am well and truly stuffed. Why is it that just when I think I am coping with quantities, I find myself completely floored? I kept thinking I was hallucinating and that I'd been given a magical plate that kept replenishing itself. Luckily I've got a massage booked this afternoon, so hopefully that'll take my mind off my stomach for a while.
.
Well I've been pummeled to within an inch of my life. I feel like I've been put through a mangle. It was great though, I must remember to do it more often.
.
Still stuffed from that humungous lunch. And it's almost dinner time. So on with the Sisyphean task in hand.
1 comment:
Hi Lizzie -
I am glad my comments have given you encouragement. I have posted anonymously, and as caring mom and as cm anonymous. My daughter is a recovered anorexic. She is a ballet dancer. She never spent any time in a hospital, although if she didn't eat what I fixed her, I would have put her there in a minute. I would have done anything to save her life - and I viewed her eating disorder as serious as if she were suffering from cancer.
She needed treatment, and food was her medicine. I took charge of her re feeding at home. It was a real battle against the anorexia, and I did view AN almost as a separate entity that was controlling my daughter. Initially, making her eat was very hard on her because of her illness, but I would not allow her to starve herself once I realized what was happening. I also made her quit dancing, which I thought would kill her at the time, but it didn't. It took her getting very ill, malnourished and covered in lanugo before I realized what was happening to her. It only took a few months to get her weight stable- but, she was on 3500 calories a day. This amount may sound shocking to you, Lizzie. But that is literally what it took. My daughter couldn't eat large quantities in the beginning, so what she did eat, I made sure it was very calorie dense. The quicker she put the weight back on, the less she would have to suffer in the long run. Honestly, my daughter never knew what she was consuming in terms of calories. It was easier for her not to know, just as she, to this day, does not know her weight. I constantly had to reassure her that I loved her, and I would never do anything to hurt her, because the AN was convinced I was out to get her. But somehow, I got through to my real daughter, past the AN, and with much love, trust, compassion and FOOD, my beautiful daughter is back, weight restored and healed in body and mind - and dancing once again. I am really, really praying for you and rooting for you. I guess since I know what you are going through - what my own precious daughter went through - I wish you all the best and a full recovery. Life can be so good. When my daughter was at her sickest, I was afraid it would always be that way - but she is fully recovered now. It is a miracle that I am so thankful for -and I hope it happens for you, too. This illness is not your fault, Lizzie. You are not doing it on purpose - I know that. I know how hard it is - I know that at her sickest, my daughter could not choose to eat - I had to make her. And it was HELL - but although we were going through hell, we kept going...and we made it through. So for you to be trying to choose this for yourself really is amazing - and I hope you are able to do it. But, above all, your health is the utmost importance - so IF you need help in terms of a hospital stay, please don't feel like a failure - you must do whatever it takes to get well. You are worth it! Keep it up!!!
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