Note from Hannah

Hello again all,

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Feels like ages since I last wrote this blog. So much has been going on in the last month or two - some good, some hideously ugly!

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To cut a long story short (and I know Lizzie won't mind me for being honest) things weren't really working out as they were. Sadly I have too much work on to provide Lizzie with the regular and guaranteed support that she needs. As she said in her blog, the 'duties' I'd taken on for this challenge had increased one by one over the last few months in order to try and get things off the ground and it wasn't feasible to continue with the same amount of responsibility considering that I am unqualified. What's more, I couldn't justify continuing when there wasn't a significant enough weight gain each week.

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So... things became a little tetchy for a while, and in the end we both agreed that perhaps the whole challenge needed a shake up, or just plain change. Only Lizzie could decide how that shake up was going to come about since I was taking a step back, and it appears that this new contract idea may do the trick. For one thing, it leaves no room to blame other people or situations that may arise. The daily meal plan is laid out and if it isn't stuck to then it's hospital, like it or lump it.

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Some people will have seen this coming from a mile off but hey, whether or not Lizzie did or not, I certainly thought it might work... and to a certain extent it has. At the end of the day she's gone from eating probably less than 500 calories per day to eating nearly 2000, purely as a result of constant nagging, guilt tripping and kicks up the proverbial, not to mention will-power and determination on both parts. Maybe, just maybe, she's got the tools now to work at it herself (with moral support from me, Barry, her friends, her sponsors and her carers) and make those final steps towards actually putting weight on?! Watch this space!

Lizzie's diary, 1st April 2008

Diary entry: 1st April

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A slightly better increase than last week (0.2kg) - more of a toddler step perhaps? but still pretty insignificant. I think we could have all done with a giant stride this week, but hey, at least it is still heading in the right direction. And we are only 2 days into the new contract.

Lizzie's diary, 31st March 2008

Diary entry: 31st March

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Well, I'm sticking to it. Signing on the dotted line seems to have made a difference. Minor clocks going forward-related misunderstanding at lunchtime yesterday threatened to throw the whole thing into disarray but by walking away, taking several deep breaths (and several swigs of rescue remedy) and locating a new frame of mind, the situation was diffused. And the afternoon snack was a breeze (well, tea and biscuits actually). But the only true indication of whether this is working will be on the scales. So lets just keep fingers, toes, eyes crossed for tomorrow. It may not be the whole pound of flesh which is demanded of me but it'll certainly be more than the paltry 100g of the past few weeks.

Lizzie's diary, 26th March 2008

Diary entry: 26th March

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I think a slight change of tactic is called for. At probably the same time, Hannah realised she had bitten off more than she could chew and I realised I was expecting too much of her. So I am relieving her of her food-related duties and instead have drawn up my own meal plan in tandem with a signed contract drawn up by the dreaded husband which basically states that I agree to gain a pound a week (or I go into hospital), that I address my food-associated behaviours (or I go into hospital), that I stick to my mealplan (or I go into hospital), that I stop blaming everyone (including myself) and accept that this is an illness (or I go...) etc etc. My terms, my decisions. And so far, so good. Watch this (ever increasing) space.

Lizzie's diary, 25th March 2008

Diary entry: 25th March

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Another minor increase. This is proving too difficult to sustain on my own. Perhaps hospital is the solution. I just cannot face it. I can't make that decision. There needs to be another way - this way. I have to take a deep breath and remind myself of why I am doing this, what I need to do, how I have to do it and then just get on with it. Without thinking too much. I tend to overthink everything and blow it all out of proportion. It's not that hard so don't make it. I have to sign a mental contract to adhere to the programme and constantly remind myself of it. Or hospital it is.