Diary entry: 26th March
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I think a slight change of tactic is called for. At probably the same time, Hannah realised she had bitten off more than she could chew and I realised I was expecting too much of her. So I am relieving her of her food-related duties and instead have drawn up my own meal plan in tandem with a signed contract drawn up by the dreaded husband which basically states that I agree to gain a pound a week (or I go into hospital), that I address my food-associated behaviours (or I go into hospital), that I stick to my mealplan (or I go into hospital), that I stop blaming everyone (including myself) and accept that this is an illness (or I go...) etc etc. My terms, my decisions. And so far, so good. Watch this (ever increasing) space.
1 comment:
Lizzie -
It takes an incredible amount of time and dedication to help someone recover from anorexia at home. The truth is, in order for it to work, the care-giver must completely take over all decisions and planning of food for the patient. And, in actuality, once that happens, after the initial resistance to it but the anorexia, it is a relief to the person who is suffering. The resistance can go on for a while, and be quite ugly at times, but once you are on the road to recovery, things get better. Really, re-feeding at home is doing at home what would be done in a hospital. In hospital setting you would not be in charge of your food (at least, you wouldn't if you were in a decent hospital.) Lizzie, you really cant "address" anything until you are weight restored. First and foremost, you must be re nourished. The fact is, your brain can not function properly when it is starving. So, it is pointless to try to decide anything or to try to deal with any issues. What you need to recover is full nutrition, full time. Three meals and three snacks per day adding up to about 3,000 calories or more with plenty of fat and phobic foods. That is what it takes. Been there, made daughter do that. Lizzie, it is simply not possible for you to do this on your own - no matter how much you want to. I know that is painful to hear - but it is true. Unless someone can dedicate themselves full time to your care at home, it is just prolonging the agony for you to flounder around trying and gaining nothing substantial. Even if someone does dedicate themselves full time to your needs, it is no guarantee. Sometimes people do need the hospital, and thats OK. This is an illness. It is not a choice. You were born with this loaded gun, and what ever "triggered" it is irrelevant. The fact is, you are ill, and it is as serious as cancer. You are not a 13 year old child like my daughter who was ill for under a year. You are a grown woman, and I don't know how long you have been sick. But I do know the longer you have been ill, the more difficult the recovery can be. Please, get professional help. I know in your heart you want to get better, and no one wants to go to the hospital. I don't blame you. But, Lizzie, you could die. Please, Please either put a re feeding plan with full time support in place by a trained professional, or go inpatient. My heart goes out to you, Lizzie. I hate this illness.
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