Lizzie's diary, 6th December 2007

Diary entry: 6th December

"One of the myriad 'issues' I need to address is my use of delaying or distracting tactics (or 'behaviours' in Priory-speak). From straightening the towels, washing my hands, having a final pee (!) to cutting things into tiny pieces, adding salt and pepper and jumping up constantly to microwave my food because it's gone cold (well it would do if I take so long to eat the bloody thing). Then there's the cutting off and leaving bits because they don't look quite 'right' - it could be burnt, underdone, not brown enough, too brown - I'm starting to sounds like Goldilocks. I just need to settle. Put up with it feeling uncomfortable for a while, 'sit with it' (Pinny), J.F.D.I.. It can only get easier. I also need to start sticking to set mealtimes. It's all very well to say we'll play it by ear, see what everyone else is doing, or that if we'd been to the theatre we wouldn't be eating until 10.30 or 11pm, but unfortunately I'm not like other people. I go past it and a barrier comes up and that's when I kick up and the illness kicks in. After all, if I've waited this long to have something, I may as well wait until it's time for the next meal.

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Thought I'd mention meeting some of my friends for the first time since I'd started this. everyone is so supportive and kind and any worries I had about their reaction have been completely dispelled. It is quite refreshing being able to talk about it openly rather than it being an elephant in the room. Anya was particularly lovely and I met Lisa Armstrong (fashion editor of The Times). Then Tracey texted to say she had passed it on to her editor at The Independent. And that she is still doing well. Hooray! If she can keep at it, so can I."