Lizzie's diary, 10th December 2007

Diary entry: 10th December

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"I think I must have been a bit tipsy last night. Slightly random to say the least. If I didn't have to adhere to Hannah's rules, it would definitely be a candidate for excision.

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Anyway.

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I've had enough of this today. Started off with text from Hannah saying that she would be over to prepare lunch at 12.30. I got my mind around the fact that I was going to do it come what may. Then Barry wanted to be taken to Bicester at 12.30. Whereas I should have told him I was having lunch with Hannah I couldn't bring myself to. Instead I raced back from the station and Hannah came over at 1.30 armed with frozen soup. Pretty foul (sorry Hannah) but managed to eat it and some bread so that's progress. Now I've done it once I've got to do it every day. Maybe not soup though. The whole house smells of it and I can still taste it. What I mustn't do is cut back on dinner this evening. Every meal is critical. I've got to make a difference this week, I can't keep stringing it out. If I haven't gained by the next time I go to Cotswold House (20th Dec) there is no way I can justify not taking the bed. It's like an exam deadline and I had better start cramming for it.

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I'm in two minds about letting Christa do my story. Although I think the more people who know, the better - and also the Hospice would benefit - I'm not sure I'm 100% comfortable with her. She does have a history of eating disorders herself, and could have an agenda. But on the other hand, she might do it more sympathetically because of that, and if I get full copy, headline and photo approval (as Jane suggested) I will have complete control over it. Anyway, I'm meeting with her tomorrow so we shall see. Right, I really have had enough of this now, I think I'll change the subject."