Diary entry: 4th December
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"I really thought I'd see the scales go up this week. I'd done the worry work, prepared myself for it and accepted that this was a 'good thing'. But I hadn't put any on. In fact it was down by 0.1 kg which is nothing really but it feels like a real kick in the teeth. I had a long chat with Janet (the practice nurse) and found myself saying that although this appears to be a totally self-indulgent, selfish, self-induced illness it is actually the getting better that is when the self-indulgence begins., As soon as I begin to take care of myself and look after my needs, I will begin to get well again. I've got to start recognising what I need, enjoy, like, whatever, accept that it is valid and then satisfy it myself and not wait for (and blame) someone else to do it for me.
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God I feel pissed off. I want to go to my ballet class but I don't know if I should. But I want to get away from feeling like this and moping round here isn't going to help. Maybe just a gentle barre. And we're supposed to be going to the launch of some sexy toys range at The Bluebird tonight - how can I face people who are supporting me when I am failing to do what I've said I will?"
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