Diary entry: 14th December
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"I've managed to wind myself up into a real state - mainly about tonight. Part of me wants to go but the rest just wants to run away. Away from everything. Away from me. I want everyone to leave me alone. I wish I could. My stomach has gone into total spasm - how am I supposed to eat like this? Hannah is totally winding me up (sorry) but it's more me than her. She doesn't understand so much of this and I can't explain it to her. Why do I get myself into situations like this? I don't really know why I'm getting worked up. What do I need to do? Drive down to Bath, check in to a gorgeous hotel, get ready and go out to dinner with lovely, interesting people. Not that hard really. I guess I'm nervous about eating in front of people who are obviously going to be taking notice of me - how do I want to appear? Like this is a doddle or that I'm really struggling? It's up to me to decide how I play this - my attitude to the situation will influence everyone else's. And quite honestly, is anyone really going to care that much? They've got their own lives, I'm just not that important. God I feel like shit."
2 comments:
Caroline and Adrian
Oh lizzie , you are so brave for doing this , keep at it you are such a lovely person and you will come out the other side of this and realise it doesnt matter what other people think of you , its what you think about yourself that matters.Keep talking through your feelings , unless you work through these thoughts you will never get better. Caroline and Ade xx, oh was looking through photos yesterday and have some lovely ones of your france house let me know if you want any for memories.
Dear Lizzie, We're really impressed with your honesty and bravery in writing your blog. It must be the hardest thing to admit to yourself that you need to conquer this demon, but it's an absolute inspiration that you've taken this initiative. Really, really well done and DO keep it up. We're with you all the way. Lots of love from Andrew, Ginny and William
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