Diary entry: 1st March
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Lying in bed, I started worrying that some of my immediacy had dissipated. Is it because I am more relaxed, less inclined to jump up and find the pen to write down those inconsequential threads? And is that a bad thing? If I don’t write anything, is it a sign that I’m getting back to normal and getting on with things, or is it that I’m going into a state of inertia? I don’t feel I’ve been going anywhere very fast this week. Thrashing around, making no headway. Empty ships. But I have been getting somewhere because this has been on my own. Really on my own. Quite scary how mad I really am. Too many OCDs manifesting themselves. Multiplying, escalating, taking over again. But they will not be quashed by force, only through kindness and understanding. No pressure. Quietude, normality and consistency.
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1 comment:
I hope that as you are weight restored, some of these anxieties will disipate. When my daughter was recovering, I saw these behaviors escalate. It was as though the anorexia was putting up a big fight as it was cornered. Unfortunately, many times for these types of comorbid issues, medications arent effective to take the edge off until you are weight restored. I know its hell, Lizzie. Hang in there.
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