Diary entry: 23rd March
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This is just awful. I don’t know what I’m doing and don’t know how to (not) do it. I should be feeling better. Getting better. But I don’t. I feel worse. Physically, mentally, psychologically, emotionally. I don’t know how to feel, I think I’ve forgotten. I’m on edge. Jittery, unsettled. Detached and scared. Is this payback time? Have I done too little too late – “baby-steps” as someone commented.
2 comments:
Your emotional reaction is entirely normal, Lizzie! Horrible, yes, but also to be expected.
Doesn't make it much easier I know, but at least you can perhaps take solace in the fact that you are not losing it.
"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."
Alan Cohen
Stick with it. You're doing great. Ruth
Lizzie, you have been trying very hard and done very well without being in hospital, but, you are still severely underweight and under-nourished, and have only put on very small increments of weight-gain, so it's not surprising that you feel the way you do, and consequently relationships are difficult. Anorexia is a perverse form of security, so although it destroys everything else in your life you feel unsettled to be letting go of it. Unfortunately, it is all to be expected, but it will get better!. Don't get disheartened, so let it spur you on to try harder, as cm keeps saying, if you are going through hell, keep going.
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