Diary entry: 29th February
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Yesterday wasn’t great but I did manage to eat a decent-ish dinner. I really am floundering though (foundering? Floundering? Which flounder?) and needed to talk to Hannah to get a kick up the proverbial. Even from that distance she made me see the error of my ways (and took my mind off making the sandwich. Cheese just doesn’t taste the same without her). I’ve lost any sort of appetite and enjoyment of food – will it ever return?
But doth not the appetite alter? A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age.
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I had prepared myself for going out this evening – I was being allowed out for good behaviour – Madame Butterfly with Ged and Shyla. I was a bit apprehensive – it seems a long time since I last saw them, plus it was going to disrupt my eating plan big time, but hey, I can’t stay locked up in this ivory tower forever. Unfortunately Ged has had to cancel so I find myself alone again. I can’t say I blame Barry for using the tickets but under the circumstances, I felt it was better for me not to go. I’m not being a martyr, just sensible for once. Things are so volatile at the moment so I think I shouldn't risk breaking anymore eggshells. Think I'll spend the evening practising my tip-toeing.
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I found myself reacting in typical ana-mode earlier – Ginny texted me to say how nice it was to see me yesterday (liar, liar) and that I looked great. Of course for ‘great’ I read ‘fat’ (or at least fatter). Why? & even is she did mean that, does it matter? Bothered?
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1 comment:
Hi Lizzie -
The thing I see as positive in this post is you recognizing AN thoughts for what they are. The more you resist this type of thinking, the less power AN will have over you. If you are paid a compliment, simply accept it as the truth and say thank you! You are a beautiful woman, from the picture I have seen of you, and as you regain your health, you will be even more beautiful. Don't over analyze a compliment, or think a kind word from a friend means anything other than what they say. And don't bash yourself by saying "liar, liar." Stop the AN in its tracks when the thoughts start. Resist it - stop the snowball before it rolls down hill. As I said, good job for recognizing it for what it is. Keep pressing on, Lizzie!
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