Diary entry: 4th February
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Maybe I should concentrate on the positives. The trouble is, that if I do I'm in danger of kidding myself that I'm doing alright and I'm not sure I am. I haven't done enough this week. I've failed on the Clinutren front and have done nothing to make up for that. I've disappointed myself and I think Hannah must be a bit pee-ed off. There I go again - started off wanting to write about positives and instead I've gone on about what I haven't done.
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Perhaps that is because there hasn't been much progress this week. Although there has - I know I keep harking back to lunch, but I am really chuffed. I'm pleasantly surprised by how quickly my body has accommodated it. I actually found myself quite enjoying it today. Barry was ever so sweet and volunteered to buy fresh bread (along with milk - but more of that anon) so we had rather yummy smoked salmon sandwiches together. A slight change from him having to sit opposite me eating a braeburn cut into eighths for months on end. This week I'm going to try having a milky drink before I go to bed which is something we had to do in the Priory. It's an obvious thing to do (shame I hate milk) - not only does it have a chance to reach those places it needs to without being burned off, it has the added bonus of inducing a honey-heavy dew of slumber.
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During my incarceration I patented "Chorlicks" - a carefully guarded secret blend of hot chocolate and horlicks. (Another of my inventions was "flutter" which was immediately banned as behavioural. Which led me to question of where one draws the line between preference and behaviour. I disliked their slightly rancid tasting individual pats of salted butter and found the prescribed volume of flora rather copious. By using half of each I got the lesser of the two evils. But despite them being equivalent in terms of calories, I was not allowed to have it. It nearly led to my discharge. Ok, looking back, it does seem pretty bonkers, but it mattered at the time. Maybe you had to be there.)
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Anyway back to Chorlicks. I'm just a bit worried that I'll still be too full after dinner, but I guess there's a pretty simple solution - eat earlier (durr). It'll feel uncomfortable for a bit, but whats a bit of discomfort in the grand scheme of things?
1 comment:
A heating pad on the tummy might help the discomfort. Your body will soon adjust and it will feel fine.
I don't know how long you have been ill, Lizzie, but good rule of thumb on behavior vs. preference, is if the food item in question was something you enjoyed pre anorexia. My daughter had many foods that were off limits in her anorexic mind while she was restricting. But, I knew which ones she used to enjoy before her illness, so I insisted she eat those foods during recovery, even if they had become fear foods. There are still some foods she wont eat, but they are the ones she has never eaten, regardless of the anorexia.
It is great that you are enjoying lunch now. Well done. I think the bedtime treat is imperative. During recovery, my daughter ate 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. All of them were as calorie dense as possible. I felt the quicker the weight went on the better. As she was restored to full nutrition, she was healed in body AND mind.
Like you said about prolonging it - why pull the band-aid off slowly?
Get well SOON, Lizzie.
All the best to you!
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