Diary entry: 10th January
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Hannah is right - I need to do something dramatic. It isn't just that I mustn't lose any more weight. I have to gain a substantial amount fairly soon otherwise she/I cannot justify keeping me out of hospital. Everything inside me is trying to fight it - to stave off the day when I make that huge leap of faith and "feel the fear and do it anyway" (irritating phrase but also irritatingly apt). So yes, it is going to be hard but we are going to try her giving me "normal" portions of food and me just getting on with the eating. Removing any element of choice. Try wriggling out of that one, gremlin.
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It wriggled and wriggled, presenting every excuse in the book, but I did manage most of the sandwich Hannah made me. Big struggle though. Still, now I've done it once and can do it again and build on it. Next time will be easier. And it's ages until dinner.
It wriggled and wriggled, presenting every excuse in the book, but I did manage most of the sandwich Hannah made me. Big struggle though. Still, now I've done it once and can do it again and build on it. Next time will be easier. And it's ages until dinner.
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