Diary entry: 7th January
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I really need to stop hoping that someone else is going to do this for me. I have to stop blaming other people. It is my responsibility and it is only me who can do it. But that doesn't mean I have to do it alone. I need help and support and I have to learn how to accept it graciously. But I cannot assume that other people are going to know instinctively how to help - sometimes anything and everything is just the wrong thing to say or do at just the wrong moment. I need to lighten up and develop the ability to brush things off rather than dwell on them - who knows, maybe it was the way in which I perceived the comment rather than the way it was intended.
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I have come to realise that if I just get on with the eating, and don't constantly go on about how difficult it is for me, my angst dissipates and I find it easier to JFDI. The minute I focus on how much/little I am eating, it snowballs. For example, last night Mim & Mikey came for dinner & as there wasn't a huge onus on what I was or wasn't eating (apart from the odd unloaded comment) it was far more relaxed & I managed to eat pretty well (even the ice cream). Now I need to keep it up, I'm being weighed tomorrow and I have to have gained some more weight. If I can get used to a regular weekly weight gain it'll become less of an issue than if it goes up one week and down the next. Then I can start to learn just how much I need to eat. At the moment I just don't know, it's a case of suck it and see. And swallow.
I have come to realise that if I just get on with the eating, and don't constantly go on about how difficult it is for me, my angst dissipates and I find it easier to JFDI. The minute I focus on how much/little I am eating, it snowballs. For example, last night Mim & Mikey came for dinner & as there wasn't a huge onus on what I was or wasn't eating (apart from the odd unloaded comment) it was far more relaxed & I managed to eat pretty well (even the ice cream). Now I need to keep it up, I'm being weighed tomorrow and I have to have gained some more weight. If I can get used to a regular weekly weight gain it'll become less of an issue than if it goes up one week and down the next. Then I can start to learn just how much I need to eat. At the moment I just don't know, it's a case of suck it and see. And swallow.
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