Diary entry: 16th January
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I don't like the physical repercussions of this. I feel like someone is squeezing my heart - my chest feels so tight. I'm sure Barry would tell me not to be so dramatic and that it is only anxiety but I'm not convinced - I don't actually feel that anxious. I'm also worried about my brain function and concentration - I just don't feel I am firing on all cylinders all the time. Over lunch today, Hannah broached the subject of "plonk". Whatever it's called doesn't change the fact that I have built up a huge psychological barrier. Why? It is a concentrated, easily take in-able form of calories that can be excised from my diet once it has served its purpose. It will be the reason why I have gained weight as opposed to the speculation that perhaps the extra sandwich/cheese/biscuit/chocolate was the culprit. If I don't try it I'll never know.
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I can definitely feel my resolve is strengthening. I am starting to want to do things for myself. And I am resigned to the fact that I am not going to feel hungry at mealtimes, but I will still have to eat them. Shared bathrooms. Black hairs. Not a pleasant thought.
I can definitely feel my resolve is strengthening. I am starting to want to do things for myself. And I am resigned to the fact that I am not going to feel hungry at mealtimes, but I will still have to eat them. Shared bathrooms. Black hairs. Not a pleasant thought.
1 comment:
Hi lizzie at home feeling sorry for myself with sore back unfortunately comes with the job .Anyway gave me a chance to read your news and felt moved by your honesty and your progress . Its great your being so honest with yourself , keep going your doing great xxx
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