Diary entry: 25th January
.
I can't just roll over. Curl up in a ball and die. I have to get through it and prove that against all odds it can be done. I cannot continue with this demi-life, this partial existence. There is so much more. There must be so much more. The comment from Ruth on the blog was wonderful - truly inspirational. I have to believe her. Actually, we've been really lucky with the response we have had (apart from a couple of anonymous ones questioning our responsibility. But we are not advocating this approach for everyone and yes, perhaps 7 stone 4 is sill underweight but its an achievable goal for me and is a darn sight healthier than 5 stone 11). I need to focus on the positive and ignore their negativistic attitudes and opinions. I have to surround myself with people who believe in this otherwise I'll go under. I really felt like giving up last night and admit, I didn't have the Clinutren but I think I'm back on track today. Not drowning, wavering.
.
I'm not sure why that pissed me off to such an extent. Towards the end of my conversation with Mim, she questioned why I had to have cheese sandwiches (good question) and wanted to make alternative suggestions. Yeah well, if she wants to come over and make me something else, fine. But for now I'd rather not have to think and just get on and do it. It doesn't have to be 3 Michelin starred perfection. It's just lunch.
“Square meals, not adventurous ones, are what you should seek.”
Bryan Miller (NY Times Restaurant Critic)
.
I felt rotten afterwards and had to phone her back to apologise for being snappish.
.
I can't expect everyone to say the right thing - it's not deliberately done to upset me, it's just unthinking. I'm sure I say some really hurtful things completely unintentionally. And I am still supersensitive. My buffer zone is very small and I am too quick to overreact. I mustn't take thins so personally - it's not all about me. And I mustn't fixate on tiny minutiae. My concentration on little things blows them out of all proportion. Forget it. Gloss over it and it will disappear.
.
I can't just roll over. Curl up in a ball and die. I have to get through it and prove that against all odds it can be done. I cannot continue with this demi-life, this partial existence. There is so much more. There must be so much more. The comment from Ruth on the blog was wonderful - truly inspirational. I have to believe her. Actually, we've been really lucky with the response we have had (apart from a couple of anonymous ones questioning our responsibility. But we are not advocating this approach for everyone and yes, perhaps 7 stone 4 is sill underweight but its an achievable goal for me and is a darn sight healthier than 5 stone 11). I need to focus on the positive and ignore their negativistic attitudes and opinions. I have to surround myself with people who believe in this otherwise I'll go under. I really felt like giving up last night and admit, I didn't have the Clinutren but I think I'm back on track today. Not drowning, wavering.
.
I'm not sure why that pissed me off to such an extent. Towards the end of my conversation with Mim, she questioned why I had to have cheese sandwiches (good question) and wanted to make alternative suggestions. Yeah well, if she wants to come over and make me something else, fine. But for now I'd rather not have to think and just get on and do it. It doesn't have to be 3 Michelin starred perfection. It's just lunch.
“Square meals, not adventurous ones, are what you should seek.”
Bryan Miller (NY Times Restaurant Critic)
.
I felt rotten afterwards and had to phone her back to apologise for being snappish.
.
I can't expect everyone to say the right thing - it's not deliberately done to upset me, it's just unthinking. I'm sure I say some really hurtful things completely unintentionally. And I am still supersensitive. My buffer zone is very small and I am too quick to overreact. I mustn't take thins so personally - it's not all about me. And I mustn't fixate on tiny minutiae. My concentration on little things blows them out of all proportion. Forget it. Gloss over it and it will disappear.
No comments:
Post a Comment