Diary entry: 8th January
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I'm like a bloody yo-yo. My weight is back down to what is was before Christmas. All that hard work in vain. It has shown me that although I don't necessarily like it all the time, having regular accompanied meals makes a big difference. How am I going to manage this? I wonder if I could persuade Barry to start coming home for dinner during the week. I definitely have to have lunch with Hannah as often as she can stand it. The practice nurse has also suggested having Clinutren as a supplement. As long as it is not like that ghastly Fortifresh stuff we had in the Priory when we couldn't (or wouldn't) finish a meal.
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I thought I knew my body better that this. I thought I had managed to maintain what I had gained at the very least. Why do I find it so much easier to lose than to gain? The eternal loser, that's me. Waste of an ever diminishing amount of space. Now I have to plough my way through breakfast. Yum yum yum. I can't deny though, that there is still a part of me that, however warped, likes losing weight. And that is the part of me I need to destroy before it destroys me and everything for which I am working.
I thought I knew my body better that this. I thought I had managed to maintain what I had gained at the very least. Why do I find it so much easier to lose than to gain? The eternal loser, that's me. Waste of an ever diminishing amount of space. Now I have to plough my way through breakfast. Yum yum yum. I can't deny though, that there is still a part of me that, however warped, likes losing weight. And that is the part of me I need to destroy before it destroys me and everything for which I am working.
1 comment:
Lizzie you stumbled a little but you haven't fallen. Pick yourself up and do all the things you talk about. I hope you can manage to put weight on. Our habits and minds are difficult to control but we have to do it.
Again, I think you need to think of the bigger picture........being free of these thoughts, not being constantly thinking about it all and able to do and be what you want to be. Now take the small step towards it and these steps come in cheese sandwiches at lunchtime!!! :)
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