Diary entry: 30th December
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Well it was absolutely lovely. They really are the perfect guests. Such sweet, kind, interesting gentlemen. Even I thoroughly enjoyed it – food included!
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I’ve definitely turned a corner this holiday and if it is due to weight gained then so much the better. I have managed to let go, however scary and alien that is to me. I’ve realised that the only thing I am anguishing over is other people's comments regarding the inevitable weight gain. But I have managed to talk to Barry fairly rationally (I hope) about it so hopefully I will know how to deal with comments like – ‘God, I don’t know how you managed to put on so much with how much you have been eating’, ‘You haven’t been eating that much’. Well, actually, I have. Not purely in quantity, although there has been a significant increase, but in terms of caloric density. I’m not used to such rich food and so much alcohol but I’ve managed to take advantage of it. Sorry, just needed to polish my halo. Repeat after me – this is a good thing. I need to put on weight. What is this intrinsic, inherent fear of gaining weight that we have? I can think of very few people, male or female, who actually honestly would like to put on a few pounds, let alone relish the idea of having to gain over a stone. I really believe that a large proportion of the population would like to lose a bit of weight, irrespective of their absolute weight. And I know I am far more comfortable with the feeling of losing it than gaining it. It is a most uncomfortable feeling – tightness, hotness, heaviness, munchkin features, hamster cheeks, thunder thighs. but I’ll get used to it. I have set myself to do this and I damned well will.
.
“It can’t be done,” they told the man.
He, with a grin, replied,
“Nothing is impossible, until you’ve really tried”.
And so he set himself to do the thing they said could not be done.
And he couldn’t do it.
.
My mum wrote that in my autograph book when I was a kid. What's that all about?
.
I’ve definitely turned a corner this holiday and if it is due to weight gained then so much the better. I have managed to let go, however scary and alien that is to me. I’ve realised that the only thing I am anguishing over is other people's comments regarding the inevitable weight gain. But I have managed to talk to Barry fairly rationally (I hope) about it so hopefully I will know how to deal with comments like – ‘God, I don’t know how you managed to put on so much with how much you have been eating’, ‘You haven’t been eating that much’. Well, actually, I have. Not purely in quantity, although there has been a significant increase, but in terms of caloric density. I’m not used to such rich food and so much alcohol but I’ve managed to take advantage of it. Sorry, just needed to polish my halo. Repeat after me – this is a good thing. I need to put on weight. What is this intrinsic, inherent fear of gaining weight that we have? I can think of very few people, male or female, who actually honestly would like to put on a few pounds, let alone relish the idea of having to gain over a stone. I really believe that a large proportion of the population would like to lose a bit of weight, irrespective of their absolute weight. And I know I am far more comfortable with the feeling of losing it than gaining it. It is a most uncomfortable feeling – tightness, hotness, heaviness, munchkin features, hamster cheeks, thunder thighs. but I’ll get used to it. I have set myself to do this and I damned well will.
.
“It can’t be done,” they told the man.
He, with a grin, replied,
“Nothing is impossible, until you’ve really tried”.
And so he set himself to do the thing they said could not be done.
And he couldn’t do it.
.
My mum wrote that in my autograph book when I was a kid. What's that all about?
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